An Open Christmas Letter to the Monroe Town Board

An Open Christmas Letter to the Monroe Town Board

As we approach that time of the year, enjoy our Open Christmas Letter to the Monroe Town Board. 

Dear Monroe Town Board,

🎼🎶🎶🎵 We wish Dan a Merry Christmas,

🎼🎶🎶🎵We wish Gerry Merry Christmas,

🎼🎶🎶🎵We wish Harley Merry Christmas,

🎼🎶🎶🎵Now please go away!

As we close out 2015, the citizens of Monroe would like to wish you a Happy Holiday. We won’t presume it’s Christmas you’re celebrating, since Harley wanted to perform a Hashem in slamming through a Kiryas Joel Annexation. I’m guessing that he probably needs a Hashem himself due to his sudden ‘disability’ whatever that may be. Let’s just call it Christmas for now, shall we? Please accept this as our Open Christmas Letter.

Let’s begin one by one:

Christmas Letter

(Photo courtesy Times Herald-Record)

To Dan Burke:

Harley will miss “Mr. Second”, or the puppetry you’ve played the past four years. The citizens of Monroe won’t, but he’ll miss those late nights of companionship and your agreeable nature. Heck, you agree to everything! We’re sure there’s a special place in government for someone like you. Every politician needs a “Yes-Man”. You were Harley’s.

Anyway, it’s been real, and it’s been nice, but…it hasn’t been real nice for us. Watch for that door hitting you where the good Lord split you.

By the way, pick up after yourself. Your campaign signs are long past due for retirement.


Christmas LetterTo Dennis McWatters:

Thank you for your service. We saw brief glimpses of a fighting spirit. Too few, however. The votes on the theater didn’t help. Lack of fighting for public comment didn’t engender you to the public. While we appreciated your thoughtfulness and insight, and your “No” vote on annexation, those were too-little/too-late to help. Rather than give up on politics, please consider being more decisive and assertive.

We needed strong leadership.

We wish you only the best.


Christmas LetterTo Gerry McQuade:

Where do we begin? We’ll try.

You miserable, passive-aggressive coward of a man. Seeing your latest pictures, life has been as kind to you as you’ve been to the citizens of Monroe. Which is to say, cruel. The legend of you and Dan Burke on a KJ-corner on the eve of the 2014 election, stumping for Blanca Johnson and Dan Burke’s domestic partner is etched in our minds. We know where your loyalties are. Not once have you listened or cared about anyone living outside the borders of Kiryas Joel. You should consider moving there, but…

Oh, that’s right, they won’t let your kind move into their village. Unless you suddenly convert, but that’s not likely. When your KJ handlers are done with you, they’ll dispose of you like the garbage you’ve shown yourself to be. Enjoy that reputation. You’ve earned it. Enjoy the self-dealing now by employing all your family, because those days are numbered too.

And in seriousness and fairness, get yourself checked out. You look as if one foot’s in the grave and the momentum on the other is close behind. Shrek has more a chance of winning a beauty contest. As humans, take care of your health better than you take care of your citizens. You don’t look healthy. We don’t wish you dead, we simply wish you gone, but at this rate, you’re closer to one than the other.

And for God’s sake, stop being such a passive-aggressive prick behind the ropes at town meetings. Real tough man sitting behind the table. Unfortunately, you’re simply chicken-shit when you aren’t there. Stop playing how ‘you’re the victim’. Please resign, take care of your health, and go back to being a private citizen. Let honest and experienced leaders take over.

Christmas Letter


To Harley Doles:

Our mothers taught unto not say anything if you cannot say something nice. Forgive us if we don’t heed that advice.

Go. Go now. Go quickly. Take your ugly paddle-boats, your costly plans for a theater, and your mismanagement of Monroe with you. Take your armed Gestapo while you’re at it. You don’t want to be around for the colorectal examination that might take place if you’re indicted. And a number of folks are gunning for that opportunity. Give Monroe back to taxpayers who want reliable water, paved roads, and a solid infrastructure, along with stable taxes. You’ve taken a “medical leave of absence”. Our advice? Make that permanent. Just resign for the sake of this town. You’ve failed as a manager. You’ve failed your KJPE handlers. You’ve failed everything you’ve tried.

They say that government hires people who couldn’t hold jobs in the private sector. You’ve proven that true with your employment program: Every one of your friends has made your payroll. And your latest unionizing stunt has been ethically challenged, much like your leadership. You’ve proven yourself unqualified for anything other than being a blowhard with your constant deflection.

They might be seeking your help in Boro Park or Williamsburg. Please, go there. We’re certain you’ll be greeted with open arms.

Christmas Letter


To Ric Colon:

We feel your pain. Keenly. We wish you didn’t vote as you did for the annexation, but we know you haven’t been happy with Harley, Gerry & Dan, and that the feeling is mutual. We’ve had enough of the ’emergency meetings’ at inopportune times which people with actual jobs cannot attend. We’ve had it with their treatment of citizens, of you, of anything ethical or principled. We see your frustrations. We hear your lone voice hoping your colleagues do what’s right, though know they never will. It isn’t too late for you to consider siding with the majority in Monroe in supporting honest and effective government. You know to whom you can turn. Help us, help yourself, help this town and disrupt the corruption behind the curtain that happens in the wee small hours of the morning. We’ll be more than happy to listen.

And from our hearts to you Ric: Merry Christmas and Feliz Navidad.

From all of us here at Suburbanites and News Watch NY, we wish all of you a very Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays to those of all faiths and background. Let there be peace on earth, goodwill toward men, and an honest government with integrity in 2016.

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Managing Editor